A few months ago I was hospitalised with the early stages of sepsis. It had gone from a terrible bout of eczema within my ear canals and decided my body was so accommodating it would spread and turn into cellulitis. The cellulitis enjoyed its little journey so much it decided to invite sepsis to the party, leaving me on an intense course of iv antibiotics and staying in the hotel nhs for a few weeks.
I used to think I was so lucky, I would buzz with excitement when my ears began to itch because I knew it was cotton bud time. I would shove that thing inside my ear and scratch like no tomorrow feeling no shame. After 7 trips to a&e to remove cotton buds from my ear canal from vigorous scratch sessions (well.. go hard or go home right?) I learned to take the bud off and use the little stick. Clever dickens! I felt no shame this must happen a lot right? I asked the nurse. She replied yes it does… but not to 32 year old women.
I digress. It’s been 2 months since my last cottonbud session and it’s too painful a memory, the good times.
So here I was looking like the elephant man and hooked up to all kinds of technology lying in a hospital bed. The worst thing was the deafness. Both of my ears decided to close their doors, the infection didn’t want out it was really having a lovely time. And I went deaf. Stone cold deaf for a whole week. I was also told there’s a chance I could lose my ear which really was a low blow, I’ve just started experimenting with statement earrings, what a waste it would be.
In my state of deafness though, I had a massive awakening, it’s changed me as a person for the better. I heard more in that time than I ever have and saw more sides of people I have known for years than ever before. And I also got to know myself. Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? But imagine being stuck in your own head for a while week. I’m the type of girl that really shouldn’t be left alone with my thoughts so this was very taxing. Sometimes I wonder if my own head wants to even be there! So obviously being me I decided to write about it and decided how wonderful it would be if everyone closed their ears for a while.
I read subtext. Usually, when I get a text I’ve got background noise, music, tv, people I am sat with. This time though nothing. I was getting text messages from everyone. I found the most interesting things out. The standard ones were how are you which was great but then there were others. My friends who I knew were busy sent kisses or an emoji at a point during the day. Some were new friends. This to me means I’m thinking about you, I’m busy but you’re in my thoughts. They are the friends I need. There was another who I talk to every single day on the phone. She doesn’t live far yet I’ve physically not seen her in a year although I have asked repeatedly to meet up. There’s always an excuse for me though yet she has been out and about with others even passing by my house in the process. Usually she calls and it’s all fine, because I am always here. Her texts were really the ones I paid attention to. Asking me constantly when will I get my hearing back because she needs to call me. She needs to talk to me, going on about this guy and that guy. So.. she needed me. To talk about herself whilst I am currently in a bit of a scary situation if I’m being honest. Always read the subtext. See why these types of people need to speak to you. I text her a few days ago telling her I would call soon. I just didn’t say when soon was.
Body language is amazing! I love people watching at the best of times but this was like some kind of silent theatre or a subtitles film. If you watch people you can see everything! I’ve worked out so far crossing arms and putting a physical body barrier in front of someone whilst talking to them means you don’t like the person you are talking to! I love that one! And the mirroring thing when someone copies your actions there’s a chance they really like you. And one I already knew scratching a nose means they are lying. I have to refrain now when I see this from shouting ‘liar’
Listening to you own head and thoughts is about 90% bull. Seriously if you listen to your own thoughts you would drive yourself mad. Now I love a bit of self deprecation, I find it’s part of my charm but the amount of put downs and negative thinking I do about me as a person made me not want to know me! So instead replace it. I had the beauty of time to really think and then split these thoughts into nonsense and logic. And it helps.
Spend time in silence. Being alone or with someone. People were literally making non versation, you know small talk that means nothing to fill a void? It’s more interesting to be silent with someone to see how comfortable you both really are with each other. Just don’t do that one on a first date, I’ve worked that out recently, me and him were so comfortable we are still silent with each other!
And last but not least appreciate your hearing, but keep observing.. you will hear more than ever if you listen with your eyes.
Guest Louise Edwards.