So, recently I was feeling a little out of sorts, a bit emotional over one thing or another and my poor friend phoned me at the wrong time. I had been building up this horrible not in the mood to talk about anything to anyone phase when I didn’t mean to answer the call but I did. She got the brunt of it all. It wasn’t even anything that serious or woeful, I had just decided to give in to my horrible mood and unleashed it all on her. She was only calling for a catch up. I think she screens my calls now. I had managed to calm down after talking things through and decided to take her advice on relaxing and trying to sleep. Then, my phone buzzes and it was a message from her. It was a meme of two sharks. The one on the left saying to his shark mate Ben that he knows he’s a good white shark but he didn’t feel great. His mate Ben tells him, you’re a great white shark Kevin and Kevin replies thanks dude, just needed to hear that today. Naturally, I began thinking…….
She really didn’t need to send me that. But she had listened to me and at that point decided she didn’t need to make a grand gesture she just noticed my light had gone a little dim inside so she tried to help relight it. And it felt really good.
In the state of the world we live in today, we all have busy lives, all having things going on and are all preoccupied with one thing or another. But how amazing is it to feel when someone reaches out to you in a simple way to help you shine. Lucky enough I have a small number of people I would consider friends and also consider them to be gaslighters. Not for their own gain, but who see my full potential and want me to reach it. I recently left my job and my team leader became my friend. She champions every blog I write, she constantly tells me positive things about me and she is always pushing me to reach my goals. And I do the same for them. There’s no selfishness to it, but you need to make yourself feel good so why not do it by helping others to. How good things can be when you help others to shine. A simple act can really help someone feel better so here’s some tips below.
- A simple text or message to reach out. Sometimes, my friends have been having a hard time and althogh we speak on the phone or even meet up and hash it all out, it’s important for people to know you are there, regardless of if your busy or not. I have often just sent a text of an emoji or even just some kisses to let the know they are not alone. This is so important. I had friends do this to me through tough times and they knew I didn’t feel ready to talk, but they were there.
- RAKS. I love this one. Random Acts of Kindness. Lets face it, even if you have the job of your dreams none of us really want to work for a living. You want all of the money in the world, all of the time to spend with people you love, and never feel stressed out or fed up of the daily grind. Lets use work. Spending 8 hours a day with people you don’t really know can be exhausting. Pick a workmate. I say the quietest or the one you don’t really know, and perform a RAK. Maybe make them a random cup of tea, or leave a packet of their favourite biscuits on their desk. Leave a note tell them what it is and ask them to pass it on. It really does brighten someones day. Just don’t follow the rules of my previous workplace, the gifts became more elaborate and basically just became a game of picking your mates. Which caused more problems at work.
- A little compliment can make someone feel so good. Sometimes, that’s all it takes. Iam not talking about an elaborate lie or saying something to make you feel like your a wonderful person laying it on thick like butter on toast, but just telling someone something about themselves that you like. An example of this is when you like someones outfit or hair. A few weeks ago I told the girl in B&M on the till that I loved her lipstick. We got talking and she gave me this fabulous website for which I have now ordered a few nice shades of matt lip colour. So she felt good and now I feel good ( although paypal says different). Another thing I have a habit of doing is asking people on the tills about their tattoos. I like knowing why they have them and their meanings.
- You can help bring out the confidence in people. How lovely is it when someone says something about you and it helps you push forward? They see the potential in you so they tell you. I love writing, it’s my passion, my ambition, my therapy. But believe me, the overwhelming insecurity that comes before I send my blogs is horrible. I don’t even think they are that good sometimes, so I send them to a handful of people asking if this is ok. I don’t do it for validation, I do it because I struggle. My friends have never let me down yet. One even saying to me tonight how do you do it? I couldn’t write a card. But having my friends lift me up really helps me to push forward with it. Although they still haven’t mentioned their take on my fabulous singing……….
- Social media highs are as quick as the lows. Yes, it’s nice to put a picture on instagram and get a few likes, it makes you feel good. Especially when you’re in a new outfit and you get a flame emoji on the comments. (Friends take note) but its having people say these things to you when you are there, that can help the light shine inside right onto the outside.
- Compliments need to go deeper than looks. The best compliment I recieved was someone telling me I made him crease himself laughing. The story was about my love life so I can’t be sure as to why he found it so funny, but he said I made him laugh. When you compliment people on their ability, their strengths, their soul and their personality rather than their looks it can do wonders for a person. They remember it more.
- Tell someone when they aren’t reaching their full potential. I don’t mean tell them what they can’t do, but rather lift them up into doing something they can do, or should be doing. It is such a warm feeling inside when someone tells you how you can apply for that job, you can take that course and you should be using your skills or creativity to achieve your goals. Lifting someone’s confidence can help them climb that ladder a little more, especally if you are helping them take that step.
So basically, it’s about giving back. In a time when life is busy and hectic, how many of us have recieved a nice compliment or message recently? That is why it is so important to start. It’s a beautiful thing when you get your gaslight and set it inside someone to help see their flame burn a little brighter. It’s selfless, its free and it’s rare. So why not try to help someone shine a little today?
After all, we are all the same small fish in the pond. Lets be great whites.
Guest Contributor, Louise Edwards.