Learning how to identify with our true feelings can help us be more confident, more congruent to our life goals and help us build better relationships.
So how do you get in touch with what you are really feeling? Most people who see a Life Coach feel out of balance, lack clarity or are unsure what direction to go in. It is fair to say that most of us have felt internal conflict at some point in our lives. It almost feels as if there are 2 or more people inside our head, one voice telling us to go this way, and the other voice telling us to that way! So what do we do for the best? Which voice do we listen to and what do we do if neither voice is what we really want?
Here is an example client:
Mrs X came to see me for 6 sessions to discuss life and business goals. It became apparent that Mrs X found it extremely uncomfortable to talk proudly about her achievements in life. She was able to tell me about her business successes but found it rather uncomfortable to share her personal achievements. She would stutter, mumble and physically go red in the face. She would do her best to avoid the question and play down anything that she should feel proud of.
It was apparent Mrs X had, at some point in her life, not been allowed to express herself or even feel accomplished for who she was. Instead, Mrs X had learnt that it was NOT acceptable to connect with feelings of pride, accomplishment or fulfilment and had only been valued in life for her academic success, which she had now carried forward into her career. Had life of been different for Mrs X she may not have pursued a career in finance and, even though she was extremely good at her job and had won lots of prestigious awards for her achievements, she did not find it fulfilling, and the awards only brought with them a sense of emptiness.
During the sessions I was able to work with Mrs X to connect her; with the feelings of worthiness, accomplishment and pride in who she was as a person and help her reconnect to the hobbies that brought her the most joy, allowing her to express herself creatively. By doing this she found more meaning in her work. She was able to take pride in her accomplishments instead of feeling like an imposter and that her best wasn’t good enough.
Try These Positive Psychology Exercise To Connect With Your True Feelings:
The Best Possible Self
Increase hope and optimism with The Best Possible Self (BPS) exercise. Imagine and envision yourself in an imaginary future where everything has turned out just the way you wanted it to.
Over the past years, writing about and imagining a BPS has repeatedly been demonstrated to increase people’s mood and well-being (King, 2001; Peters et al., 2010; Sheldon & Lyubomirsky, 2006).
Simply imagine sometime in the future where life has turned out optimally for you. Picture that you have performed to the best of your abilities and you had achieved the things you wanted to in life.
Ether write down or draw your Best Possible Life. Do not worry about grammar or punctuation, instead, concentrate on the emotions you are experiencing.
Reflection: On completion, reflect on your feelings.
• Does it make you want to change anything you currently do or have in your life right now?
• Did it inspire you to continue doing the things you are currently doing or experiencing?
• Did it motivate or inspire you?
• How did this exercise affect you overall?